so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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