she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
