Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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