Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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