I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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