he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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