And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
