that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
