she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
