he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
