At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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