And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
