So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
