cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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