forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
