I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
