I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
