No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
