i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
