Buhtt sex?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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