Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
