some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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