you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
