My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
