Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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