I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
