Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize