I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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