Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
