Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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