Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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