Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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