I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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