and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
They are going to name an STD after you.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
