Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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