Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
