He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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