They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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