I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
