its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can't put those talents on a resume
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
