Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
