fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
