Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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