meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
