I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
