Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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