just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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