last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
