But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
