return my video game
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
