Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
