I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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