He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
