Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
