He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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