did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
