i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
