a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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