I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
