just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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