Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
