Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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