Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
