I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Randomize
