No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
