I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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