Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
