from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize