I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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